Smart experienced people say - the further you go into the forest, the more trees you see. And really, the longer you think, the more thought keep mixing up; the longer you try to find the answers, the more situations seems to be confusing. I think it was Kafka who said that it is more complicated to write short letter than to write a long one which takes actually less time...
In any case: To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself. And then, when you, little human remain in silence with all your little fears, that take a lot of space in your head, you really really long for help, support, being heard and being forgiven but then again when you stare Universe in the eye, you remain with your mouth shut....
But why does it have to be that way?
Erase and rewind. You close your eyes, breathe in deeply and everything is already a little bit different - and you are not scared to say beautiful things, not scared to be misunderstood and you simply know that you are worth all the goodness there is and that is waiting for you.
Day before yesterday I got a tomato as a present. From a completely foreign man who sells vegetables around the corner from my house. Just because (or maybe because he was smoking outside and couldn't be bothered to weigh one tomato...) He didnt explain and I didnt ask and with a huge happiness in my heart (not as big as if I got a diamond though...) I was jumping through the pools of water in the street and only after I got home I thought (yes, yes, thinking sometimes takes time!) - how often we simply dont take gifts that come unexpectedly. And not because they are not red and wanted in advance. But just because its uncomfortable, unplanned and weird to receive them.
One very clever man told me that not asked advice isnt worthy and the path to hell is paved with good intentions. And probably its true. But how often life happens in the least expected ways?! How do you differ advice that is not asked for from the advice that is an answer to an old dilemma you would rather keep on ignoring?.... Tell me, what then?
And people keep talking about crisis and about the people being let go. In my office there is going to be 15% of those which means 6.75 of person. There will be a lot let and that little 0.25 of person. Probably. Who leads easy lives these days. I know, everything depends on the angle you look at things. There are no problems, only challenges. We are like constant soldiers - constantly walking, constantly trying, falling down, getting up, walking again.... Try again. Fail again. Fail better. Try better. Again and again.
And yet I, myself, keep thinking of the wallpapers for the secret rooms of my soul and how many planes in average I see during a day and why people keep forgetting to talk more sincerely.... And then I smile because if before when I would ask someone "how are you?" I would hear not necessary true "bad" and now its being replaced by fake "good".
And then people say that everything passes. Sooner or later. Probably so does crisis too. Everything passes leaving deeper footprints or only gently touching your face. And only goodness remain. That forever and impossible to measure goodness, which you, my dear diary, are so worthy of. Don't forget that! (And if you still do, just write me a letter and I am sure we will certainly think of something...;)
Texto de Evelina Kvartunaite